I remember this happening to me over and over and over again. I wanted to be “nice.” I wanted to be “reasonable.” I wanted to be “sexy.” I wanted a man to SEE me in the ways I wanted him to see me.
But I wasn’t – NONE of us are – that good an actress. And, somewhere inside me, and you, too, the IDEA of living my life PRETENDING, or arguing “who’s right” (even just a little) felt soul-destroying.
If you’re stuck in this same awful place I was, before I figured out how being TRULY MYSELF was the single most ATTRACTIVE thing I could be, here’s an answer and a solution for you…
The IDEA of letting your true feelings out is great – it’s in the ‘HOW’ of how you do that makes all the difference.
And the IDEA of having some kind of self-control, so as to not “spew” powerful emotions all over a man – the idea of CHOOSING YOUR WORDS (part of my Rori Raye Mantra) is GREAT – but it’s in the ‘HOW’ of how you do that makes your man either feel powerfully ATTRACTED to you, or makes him care LESS.
Because just “letting out” your feelings all over a man by “telling him off” will only push him away.
And “stuffing down” your feelings and PRETENDING (to him, or to yourself) that you feel something ELSE will ALWAYS push him away. Because “telling him off” or “stuffing and pretending” is NOT TRUTHFUL!
And even if HE doesn’t notice it right off (and sooner or later he WILL) – YOU’LL know that it’s not truthful. And then, the moment we do something that does not FEEL like the TRUTH to OURSELVES, things go downhill.
Even your DESIRE to have things be better – you’re getting worse than no results.
You’re pushing a man AWAY.
No matter what some of the books out there tell you about what “a man wants to hear,” or “how to be tough in order to have strong boundaries,” being a doormat or being a goddess isn’t all about the “words” you say.
Because saying “words” that don’t MATCH what we’re feeling – even if we’ve been TAUGHT that they’re the “right” words to say – they will KILL our self-esteem, and then right after that, KILL a man’s ATTRACTION for us.
Our self-esteem depends on how truthful we are with ourselves – and the moment we say or do something that is NOT what’s REALLY going on with us, our self-esteem goes down.
And as our self-esteem goes down, our Degree of Difficulty goes down, and we become less attractive.
High Self-Esteem = High Degree of Difficulty. And High Degree of Difficulty = Attraction.
So, if we’re feeling hurt, disappointed and angry, how do we “let it out” TRUTHFULLY in a way that raises our Degree of Difficulty, increases his ATTRACTION to us, AND changes his bad behavior?
So, telling a man off is useless. And keeping your feelings to yourself is useless. In fact, telling a man off or keeping your feelings to yourself are even WORSE than useless.
These are not “styles” that keep things in “neutral.” These styles of handling your hurt, disappointment and anger actually do DAMAGE to your love life.
So try this Tool when you’re about to either “tell him off” or “hold it in” to actually INCREASE his attraction to you. I call it “SHIFT GEARS:”